Okay, I've decided to do something. I don't know whether I actually dare to do this, but I think it's something that I need to do. I need a kick start to get myself motivated again and I think this could just be that.

I'm going to upload pictures of myself onto here so that I can actually see the disgustigness that is me, and others can too. I hate people seeing my body like this, so I need some support. I need people to be honest about what needs work, because I know that pretty much everything does, but I need to focus on one part at a time, I think.

Aghh, here goes.

[5'7, 118lbs]


        

I thought I'd do a bit of advertising =P I've recently joined two pro ana and mia forums that have only just started, so really lagging in members. So....if anyone who reads this fancies joining either one or even both that'd be really good! Cheers =)

Anywho, they are
http://addictedtoperfection.proboards.com/index.cgi?
http://tiesthatbind.forumotion.com/forum.htm

I feel so tired at the moment. Exhausted. Drained. Urgh.
Need to exercise though, and I'm not going to let feeling like this stand in my way of perfection.

Intake -
(B)
1 egg scrambled - 70
Wholemeal toast, no butter - 54
Water.

(L)
Subway, 6" chicken breast - 298
Diet coke.

(D)
1 cup lettuce - 6
1/2 cup cucumber - 8
1/2 red pepper - 12
Water.

Total - 448 cals



Gemma Ward <3

I've always wanted a site that I can work on, so I thought to begin with I'll try and make a xanga page. It's such a great distraction and gives motivation just working on it. Even if no one ever uses it [which I hope they do xD] it'll still help me! I've literally only just started it, so there's only really the layout and what I want on it done.

If anyone wants to check it out, here's the link! http://weightless-dolls.xanga.com/ :)



Thin has a taste all it's own <3

I haven't used this in ages! Definitely going to start again now. Really need to start being a lot stricter on myself. Back from uni for the Summer now, so fingers crossed this new change of scenery means a new start in the self control area as well.

Today has been a pretty good day. Just had a BBQ, so was nice sitting outside for a change. Being outside, and just the whole commotion of a BBQ meant less attention of what was eating.

Intake -

(B) -
overslept = 0 cals
(L) -
1 cup lettuce - 6
60g cherry tomatoes - 11
½ cup cucumber - 8
Skinless grilled chicken fillet - 170

Total atm - 195 cals

Going for a run later, I'm actually really looking forward to it :)

Now to catch up on some posts and start unpacking my stuff from uni. There's so much of it, it's going to take hours to unpack it all!! Half of it is still in the car!



Gorgeous <3

It's 10.45 and I still haven't started work. Okay, so I only got up at about 10.15, but still. I need to make a full day of this revision! I've had a cigarette and made myself a cup of green tea so I'm all set. Just doing the rounds on here then I'm good to go.

I'm feeling better about jumping on the scales now. I can't actually weigh myself until Tuesday [back at uni, only have scales there] but it'll help me to know just how out of control things have got. I'm going to make a real effort until then and then gain the extra motivation from the scales to kick myself back into shape.

We went out last week and people keep commenting on how good my legs look in the pictures. Is everyone else blind?! They really don't look good. At all. I look like a pig. It's disgusting.



The picture isn't a good quality one, I know. But you can see the flab, see the fat clinging onto me. It makes me feel sick.

I feel torn. Torn between what I want, and this revision. I want to sack off the revision and work my ass off, but I can't draw attention to anything like that right now.



I wish my legs were like that <3